Noise and Confusion

Too often as parents, we don't realize how the environment we create for children can truly shape them into the adults they will become in the future. Some of the first thoughts are the importance of food, shelter, clothing (you probably see where I am going with this) the list goes on and on. I'm not saying those things aren't extremely significant (because they are), however there are some less thought of necessities that help to make a well-rounded person.

A noisy environment consisting of yelling (directly or indirectly), loud music, and constant chatter of talking can create confusion in a child's world. I recall spending some time at the home of a relative where in comparison to what I was use to, yelling was the choice of communicating things to children. Whenever my name was called, I would instantly jump up in nervousness and run to see what I had done wrong (which was what my mind went immediately to since I automatically associated yelling with something negative). There was yelling to wake up, come to breakfast, to get in the car to go somewhere, and to go to bed (just to mention a few times) and I was always in a state of wondering if I wasn't moving fast enough or doing the wrong thing, very confusing I might say!!! My cousins (5 of them ) were always in a state on motion and transition and I was only use to moments of conversation and discovery with my grandmother who would allow me to have time to play, read, and simply think in peace and quiet. 

                                                                               
                                                                                 
                                                                     
As adults now, I have noticed that some of my cousins that have chosen to have children also yell to gain immediate responses from them. Though we have discussed how they were made to feel as children when they were yelled at, the cycle continues nevertheless. I do have one cousin who has made the choice not to have children, and when asked why, the response was because he doesn't want to mess them up. The cousin I'm speaking of has a very calm demeanor and is wonderful and patience with children as he has spent countless moments babysitting and hanging out with my 2 when they were young. I have gotten numerous compliments from him about what a wonderful mother I am and how proud he is of me:) I totally respect his decision not to have children and often wonder if his childhood has a great deal to do with his choice.

In my research of the African culture and whether yelling is a common practice in communicating with children, I found various links to information on African-American families and yelling, however not much on yelling as a practice in the case of African culture. I only discovered a direction correlation with yelling at children with disabilities in Africa due to the negative stigma of family shame and disgrace of having a disabled individual in the family.

If you are interested in reading further, here is the link to more information. http://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED533575.pdf        

Great Beginnings.....Prenatal Care

So many times, we think of how important it is to start teaching children as soon as they are born. What about the care they need from us before birth. There are so many critical developmental moments during a woman's pregnancy that can cause a child to miss the mark if a mother is not careful. Is it fair to measure, assess, and have the same expectations for all children when they don't have the same in-utero care to give them a equal start?  

There is a helpful website (Womenshealth.gov) where information about the importance of prenatal care, how often you should visit your doctor or clinic, what you should expect during a routine prenatal visit, and how to get free or reduced prenatal care in this country, is provided. This website is sponsored by the Office of Women's Health by the Department of Health and Human Services. 

http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/prenatal-care.html 

South African Antenatal Care: 

http://www.doh.gov.za/docs/policy/2011/guidelines_a.pdf

I continuously educate expectant mothers in my program on the importance of early and consistent prenatal care throughout their entire pregnancy for a better chance of a healthy baby.

The Miracle of Child Birth

My Experience....

It took 29 hours for me to give birth to my first child which was due to my determination not to have the dreaded.....C-Section. That has now been over 22 years ago and I can still remember the bright lights, white walls, and the delivery room being too cold. My nurses seemed to know exactly what I needed, so they didn't bother to even ask me how I was doing. Talk about a need for sensitivity training in appropriate bedside manners. I thought over and over again, my goodness... my mom did this 3 times, SERIOUSLY!!!! After giving birth, I recall being too tired to even left my head up to see my baby though I wanted to (it's called labor for a reason). Following what they called recovery, I was placed in a semi-private room (which I will forever be grateful for) with a woman who had previous experience in what I was learning as I go. A nurse quickly rolled my baby in the room and then left. Everything seemed fine until the sounds of what began as soft cries started. Oh no... I thought. As I tried to gather my strength to care for my child, I realized that I was still numb from the waist down and unable to adequately move. I began to quietly cry in frustration, when my neighbor came over with a smile and asked if she could help me. I could only nod with relief because at this point I needed so much help I was overwhelmed with relief by her offer. She gently placed my child in my arms, adjusted my bed, and asked if I was better now. She encouraged me to be patience with myself, that I would not have all the answers overnight. My neighbor was discharged the next morning and even though I didn't know her long.....she made a lasting impression on me with her kindness and I was able to enjoy the bonding experience with my baby. 

My first birthing experience did have its high points in comparison to what goes on in South Africa. It has been a common practice for nurses there to pinch, slap, and ignore calls for help from women in labor. Imagine being release from the hospital without painkillers or antibiotics after having a C-Section. Yikes, that just screams infection waiting to happen in my opinion. Having such a negative experience can cause resentment and even worst a high mortality rate leaving babies with no mothers or an alternative person to bond with. I have only mention a few misdoings, however here is a link if you are interested in reading what goes on further http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/232413.php

If you were wondering, I did do my research and therefore had a much better experience with the birth of my second child. As I always say, you do better when you know better:)