When There's Conflict...

Disagreements can be awful, especially when they are of a personal nature. Unfortunately, my last one was with a friend who revealed a very ugly side to them. Honestly speaking, I have caught glimpses of this behavior before, however, due to it never being directed to me previously…we’d talk about it (as it was involving someone else) and then move on. This time, it was directed straight at me and definitely below the belt. I wanted to make sure that I actually heard what I thought I heard, so I asked that the statement be repeated (and yes, I was correct). After what appeared to be time standing still, I verbally stated exactly how the statement (which was incorrect) made me feel as a reflection for the other person. Then instead of probing, I chose to separate from the situation as the environment was no longer positive or supportive anymore. In the emotion of things, it’s always best practices to stop, wait for a calmer moment with a clearer mind, then have the courageous discussion. This practice can at least prevent you from experiencing a moment of regret yourself. Many awkward moments could be avoided if more people would take their time and simply think about the other person before they speak.   

How Well Do I Communicate....???

 

As many people are, I’m very critical in judging how I present myself (as well as how I am received) as a professional. I always see room for improvement in my daily interactions. If I miss a small detail, I feel that if I had only been a bit more in tune with what the person was showing (not just saying), maybe I could have caught it (whatever it turns out to be). I know that I'm not perfect, but again I can be my worst critic. According to others, I tend to pick up on things intuitively and communicate very effectively (taking into account both what’s being said as well as what’s being shown). I’m an active/reflective listener that often considers the perception of others is their reality and can’t be overlooked. I feel that it is often through attempting to experience things as others would (through their eyes); we create the necessary bonds and developed trust to assist others in need.

My diverse travels have enlightened me to the beauty of all cultures and therefore I try not to make initial judgment of a person’s journey in life. You can easily misinterpret someone based on first glance appearances, allowing hidden biases, prejudices, and stereotypes to blind us from really learning about who they really are. Social Services are just that, providing various services to the public regardless of background, race, culture, or sexuality. To render services that are impeccable in equity and equality, one must first be open to all forms of communication. 

Adjusting Accordingly

Whenever I communicate, I consider the topic I’m attempting to discuss, the timing of the discussion, and the person or persons I’m discussing it with. Due to the fact that people, in general, all have different experiences and walks of life, they tend to receive and process information in various ways (both verbally and non-verbally). Depending on whom your audience is, certain adjustments will need to be made. You wouldn’t speak to a highly religious group in a harsh manner about the importance of utilizing condoms during the possible decision of having pre-marital sex when abstinence would be better accepted topic. If a rush discussion occurs without certain considerations, you run the risk of being offensive and not getting your points across. The recipient(s) can shut down and become defensive, causing a situation of hostility and aggression (totally non-productive at this point).  

Even in friendly gatherings, I try to adjust my conversation to each person that I’m speaking to. As I now think about it, I regulate these conversations without major awareness of doing so (something like second nature). Ultimately, my goal is to make whatever interactions that occur, a positive experience for all parties involved.  By utilizing techniques such as being other-oriented instead of self-centered, implementing the platinum rule (do to others as they themselves would like to be treated), and always observing the non-verbal hidden messages floating during a conversation, an increase in the chance of having effective 2-way communication that everyone learns from can transpire. 

References:

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M.V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others         

(6^th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Gonzales-Mena, J. (2010). 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families. Upper

Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

Does Sound Make a Difference???

It’s amazing how taking away the ability to communicate verbally and/or non-verbally can cause unnecessary misinterpretation of what appears to be happening. In watching the show “The Big Bang Theory” (which is not typically part of my routine), I totally mistaken one of the characters, “Sheldon” as a person firmly upset with everyone he came in contact with. I honestly couldn’t determine which were his friends, however, I could detect (based on subjective facial expressions of approval), when there were agreements between characters such as “Penny” and “Leonard” in the presence of Sheldon. Leonard (who is Sheldon’s roommate) and Penny (who lives in the same building as Sheldon and Leonard), both were more physically expressive (i.e. smiles, nods, body/hand gestures, etc.) than their counterpart which can give the impression that no one can get along with Sheldon, however, they can get along with one another.

Adding sound immediately dispelled the show being one that is more on the serious side. In fact, it’s quite hilarious, with Sheldon being one of the funnier characters (in my opinion). What his character lacks in visual/physical expressions, is definitely made up in his selection of responsive words. As Sheldon’s girlfriend, “Amy” was added to some of the scenes; it became obvious why they’re attracted to one another. Amy appears to be a female version of Sheldon, possessing a lack in expressing physical cues and emotions. She does have the same dry sense of humor which can cause a shock factor to some of her responses and comments being made. To me, they are simply hilarious (to put it mildly). Sheldon and Amy are both geniuses and therefore, much of what they are saying, thinking, or doing goes over the heads of the other characters, but they seem to get it as a couple. I do believe that if this had been a show I normally watched, I would have been more familiar with the characters’ behaviors and therefore most likely able to predict what may happen next. It was very difficult for me to try and make the connections of what the relationships were first without sound, and second without some prior history of the show. This just reiterates the importance of all forms of communication.

Dr. Joy's Lifetime Lessons

I had the pleasure of meeting (through a partnership with her company) a Behavior Therapist that I will refer to as Dr. Joy. I first saw her in action when she was contracted to work with a very aggressive mother who felt her entire world was caving in on her all at once!!! A low paying job, a full-time student, single parent of 3 (spouse was recently deceased); poor means of transportation, and no other support system… just to mention a few things that were currently going on. And now to make matters worse in her eyes, the possibility of a suspected diagnosis of Autism for the middle aged child wasn’t helping to say the least. During a very sensitive meeting to discuss with Mom the concerns and potential solutions, she (Mom) became verbally aggressive and hostile. At this moment, Dr. Joy calmly explained that we all can recognize how difficult taking all this information in could be with the recent loss of her husband (the lifetime partner who was suppose to assist in handling situations like these). With a gentle and kind voice, Dr. Joy stated that we had discussed matters regarding the child long enough, so… tell us, and how are you Mom? With just that question at that perfect timing, Mom opened up to share all her grief and concerns with being a newly single parent of 3 with the total responsibility of everything. In seeing her despair and need, Dr. Joy offered her free counseling sessions in the home so that childcare wouldn’t be an issue (weekends included, if necessary). Mom agreed and was then able to move forward with making decisions for having her son complete the necessary assessments and evaluations.

Afterward during a conversation that Dr. Joy and I had one on one, she mentioned that the sole purpose for her becoming a licensed therapist wasn’t for the money, but to help others through their trying times as God meant for her to. It was her purpose and she had made peace with it a long time ago. Dr. Joy passed away from a battle with Cancer most recently; however, her lessons/gift of recognizing when and how to help others help themselves remains with me daily. Her ability to “LISTEN” and “SEE” all people regardless of their circumstances was remarkable and I am fortunate to have taken every opportunity to have learned through the lessons she modeled.